88 Lines about 44 Bikes

Back in the 80’s there was a band called The Nails.  You’ve probably never heard that name, but I bet you know one of their songs called “88 Lines About 44 Women.”  It was in a Mazda TV ad, and is pretty popular when its time for 80 pop music revival.

I always preferred their song “Things You Left Behind,” which was on the Greatest Mixtape of All-time (this is a story for another time, and another website), but 88 Lines was cool too, and it inspired me to write;

88 Lines about 44 Bikes

Bridgestone MB-5 – My first real bike was a really nice little steel machine.  I used up almost every part on it.
Rocky Mountain Nimbus – My first Rocky, and the first bike I had stolen from me.  It’s probably the coolest bike on this list.
Fisher Advance – My first beater bike.  Too heavy and too small.
Specialized M2 Stumpjumper – First bike with a decent fork and decent brakes. Otherwise, completely unremarkable…
Specialized FSR Comp – A terrible bike with a terrible fork; the Judy XL. The only bike that I’ve ever Millarcoptered.
Rocky Mountain Avalanche – Picked this up from a pawn shop, and after a couple years, I repainted, completely rebuilt, and then sold it. Dumbest thing I ever did with a bike.
Specialized FSR Enduro – I got this after my Stumpjumper was stolen. It was good, but it was just too big for me.
Santa Cruz Superlight – I took the parts off the Enduro, and put it on this, but it was ultimately too small.  It took me a while to figure out what size bike I needed I guess.
Giant XtC 2 – These next two Giants were my first shop employee purchases.  This was an excellent, lightweight hardtail that I’d be happy to have back.
Giant AC1 – A very good, long travel (well, for 2000 anyway), trail bike.  I sold it to someone – I guess – but I don’t remember who.

Giant VT2 – I literally rode this bike twice, on the street.  Then I sold it so I could buy a car.
Schwinn S[9 five].6 – Another beater frame that I got from eBay and used as a Frankenstein for all manner of builds. Dumbest name for a bike ever.
Haro Werks XLS – Very similar to the Superlight, but with a longer top tube, making it a better bike in my opinion. Sold on eBay, and I’d take it back in a heartbeat.
Rocky Mountain RC-ST – Buy me a beer and I could tell stories about this one.  First ‘road’ bike I ever had, and it almost got me fired from Redbike.
Aegis Tri-bike + Cannondale caad3 – One night in the dead of winter, Cait’s son’s friend comes over and says there are two bikes just lying out in the snow.  We head out there and sure enough, there they are.  We can see they’ve been ridden out of someone’s garage, but then discarded, so I put up signs in shops looking for the owner.  He got in touch with me just I was about to part them out on eBay – so he got his bikes stolen and got tuneups out of it.
Kawasaki KMB450 – I don’t know what I had in mind when I bought it, but it became a great hybrid.  When I got a better frame though, I loaded it up with vintage SunTour bits and sold it.
Rocky Mountain Altitude – I bought this on eBay because it had the serial number RM666. Stripped it, repainted it, made it a single speed, and traded it for a Fisher Sugar frame.
Rocky Mountain Vertex – This was a hand-me-down from the Rocky rep.  I declared it The Coolest Single Speed in Town, a title it probably held for a week or so.
GT Zaskar Team LE – A discarded frame from the shop that got all the hybrid parts from the Kawasaki.  One day I ran it into the overhang at the Sir John Franklin apartments when it was on the roof rack, and I’m pretty sure I broke it.

Unknown Ti bike – Bought this as a single speed on eBay for $400.  Put a bunch of shifter parts on it, and sold it for $800.
The Cider Wagon – A Norco cruiser that put in it’s time at the Dow plant out in Fort Saskatchewan.  I revived it and turned into a cruising machine for Cait’s mom.
Norco Avanti – Old, low quality road bike that I put together for no good reason other than I had the right tires for it.  Had a crazily tall gear, and was too big, so I sold it.
Norco Bush Pilot – A left behind frame from Redbike that scored itself a Campagnolo headset as I built it for Cait to ride.  It’s still out in my garage in fact.

Planet X Armadillo – Another frame picked up from Redbike.  I put it together with some jumping parts so Cait’s son could (but doesn’t) ride it around.

Kona Humuhumu-Nukunuku-Apu’A – After I gave up on destroying the bottom bracket (in an effort to get it out of the frame) I built this up as the most awful, frankenstein bike ever. I left it outside one night with no brakes and no seatpost, and someone stole it.
Rocky Mountain Blizzard – My favorite bike of all-time, 20th anniversary edition.  I still have this built as a single speed.
Klein Adroit – Trying to forget this one. In fact, I don’t know if it actually was an Adroit, so I think I’m doing a pretty good job.
Rocky Mountain Pipeline – I found this on the MEC website for $400.  Tweaked it a bit and gave it to my dad.
Gary Fisher Sugar 1 – Nice, extra light Sugar that was customized by the previous owner. Rode it once or twice and sold it to a friend.

Niner One9 – Just had to have a 29er. Drove to Calgary to buy it, and had to hide out in the seller’s garage as the mother of all hailstorms rolled through the city.
Kona Explosif – Picked up extra cheap on Kijiji because I needed a ride to work after the Klein was stolen. All original parts from 1989, and I sold it for more than I bought it for.
Rocky Mountain Altitude 29 – Replacement value for the stolen Klein. I still have this, and it’s totally kick-ass.
Rocky Mountain Solo CX Team – How one fairly innocent comment puts you in the saddle of a bad-ass CX bike. It’s my trilogy of excellent Rockys; Blizzard, Altitude, and Solo.
Vitus 979 – Another hand me down from the shop. Not even complete yet and it’s already
for sale.
Tech Pro SL – This was a commuter bike I bought for a song that was totally beat. I frankensteined the seat tube, restored it, and sold it at the Golf Dome bike swap.
Raleigh Technium – Bought this just to take all the vintage Shimano XT bits off of it. Put it back together with SunTour bits and sold at the bike swap.
Apollo townie – Another bike rescued from a garbage pile. After new tires and grips, it rolled nicely, so I gave it to my cousin.
Trek 8900 Composite – Another frame that seemed too cool on ebay to not buy. Too small for me, it was much unloved around the shop and eventually was sold at the bike swap.
Brodie Quantum – This Brodie was rescued from an alley garbage pile, got a paint job, and Cait’s still riding it today. This was part a big run I had of picking up bikes in alleys.

Duchess – I found Duchess on a street corner and figured I had myself a beer getter. He’s out in the snow now, waiting for spring.
Blue Eaton’s cruiser – Cait picked it up at a flea market. Waiting for spring and a restoration.
Raleigh Ti – Second attempt at cheap titanium from eBay. Probably going to get sold as the DeKerf trumps it – will I ever have a Ti bike?
DeKerf Team ST – My greatest score on Kijiji ever, even after the seller doubled the price. It’s beat up, but with my single speed parts from the Blizzard, it’s awesome.
Fisher CR-7 – Yes please just give me bikes! Too small for me to ride, but it’s so damn cool.

So there you have it.  It’s not every bike I’ve ever owned – if I did that, a lot of lines would be “I bought it, tuned it, and sold it.”  – and there are two I have now that aren’t here yet, but, I think you get the idea.

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underachieving since 1996